Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
