I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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