i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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