it was like eating out sand paper
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
