Please, let me fuck your mom
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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