Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
