Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
