In America we eat man semen.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
