i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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