The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
