rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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