i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
