he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
