she looked like the bat from fern gully.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
