so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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