I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You can't motorboat a personality
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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