Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Let's get the cat blown out
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
