oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
