i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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