This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
