Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
