Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
