Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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