doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
