Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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