She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
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Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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