Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
