Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
