Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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