I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
