Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
