She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
