I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
