I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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