I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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