Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The uberlube is also flammable
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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