Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
