She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
