you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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