I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
