Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
