Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
