saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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