Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
