Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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