Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I did not marry a roomba.
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