1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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