wakey wakey hands off snakey
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
