Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
