he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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