so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
