Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
