ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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