you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
