can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
