I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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