I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
