so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
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I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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