I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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