Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize