This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
