We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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